I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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