I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
