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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning

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• (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?

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• (408): View more from California

  I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  so i won

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.

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