the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
