Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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