Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
