I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
