i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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