Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
