She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
