i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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