I wish I only lived at night.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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