I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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