So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize