kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
