I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
