I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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