god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
