I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
