this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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