It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize