are you so shy because you have an std?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
