I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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