I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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