my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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