mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
