well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
