I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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