can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
