When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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