I wanna bring you to show and tell
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
