He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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