who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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