It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
