I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
