God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
