Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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