i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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