she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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