I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
