before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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