he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
