how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I could make wine with my vomit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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