I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
