i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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