There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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