Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
