You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
