That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
