He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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