fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
