Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
