the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
