My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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