It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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