Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
