I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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