I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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