Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
