Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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