their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
