Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
