Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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