Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
