the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
