She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
