I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
