apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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