i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
