Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
