All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
