Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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