woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
sex in a hospital.. check
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
