Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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